Your Guide to Confidence - Being Confident Everyday

Show Notes:
I’m here to share with you not necessarily HOW to be confident, but what to EXPECT when you want to be confident. 

I looked up some verses from the Bible that speak on confidence and wanted to share those with you. I often feel like it’s nice to have something you can go back to that will help anchor the mindset you desire to have & something that will comfort you in times of wanting to give up.

Philippians 4:13, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

In context, this scripture is Paul expressing how he didn’t need anyone to worry about him because he had figured out how to live through anything, with whatever he had because he had so much faith & belief in God to help & take care of him.

 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

In context, Paul was telling Timothy to not just sit on the gifts he was given, but to use them and not be ashamed to do so because God has not given him (and all of us) a spirit of fear. He also mentioned that Timothy shouldn’t be ashamed of telling people about the Lord, either.

When you’re confident, you HAVE to believe in yourself. 

• Believe you came up with a good idea or plan.
• Believe you can figure out how to get it accomplished.
• Believe you can get the help you need.
• Believe you can get through whatever setbacks happen.
• Believe you’re worthy of doing this thing.
• And believe that it’s a success, whether it turned out the way you wanted or not.

It’s the noise around us that prevents us from believing we can do it. We put too much stock into other people’s opinions, wanting to impress people that don’t really care that much about us, and allowing our past experiences & mistakes to limit us. We need to break free from all that mess and go all in on what we know deep down inside is enough.

And, if you need EVEN MORE convincing, God tells us we are his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10) & have been renewed in Him to do great things. If we are so loved & valued by the God of the Universe, we are good enough to do whatever we are called to do.

So, let’s go over our dos & don’ts for being confident:

1. Confident people aren’t afraid to say NO.
2. Confident people respect themselves.
3. Confident people aren’t afraid to tell the truth.
4. Confident people embrace making mistakes & experiencing failures.
5. Confident people don’t need to overpower others to get their point across.
6. Confident people embrace and are flexible to change.
7. Confident people don’t need to prove themselves to anyone.
8. Confident people find no benefit in being envious or jealous of what other people are doing & accomplishing.

Transcript

0:03

This is the Real Positive Girl podcast and I am your host, Sabrina. And you know, we're here chatting all about your mental health, your mindset, your emotions, how to take those first few steps towards being more vulnerable, um, being more honest and being more self aware. And we do that two times a week here. So welcoming if you are new. And if you are not new, welcome back to the Party my friends. So today we're gonna be chatting about something that I'm pretty excited about. I'm calling it your Guide to Confidence. And so, just so you know, I'm gonna break this down a little bit more. Obviously that's why we're here, but it's not gonna be like, just like how to be confident because I did do an episode like that about a year ago. So if that is something that you want where it's just very specific steps, but I think this is gonna be helpful too, even if you are looking for like how to be confident, but that's not how we're gonna lay it out today. So we'll get more into it. But, so before we talk all about that topic, I want to invite you to come say hi to me on social media, on Instagram and TikTok. I am at Sabrina Joy Perso and you can pop down into the show notes to find out how to spell that long name. And I would love for you to send me a DM and follow and let's be friends and like, let me know your favorite ice cream flavor. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with ice cream lately, or your favorite snack or if you are a plant mom or dad parent person. I am, I feel like I'm like 75% thriving in that area. I'm like new to the plant mom game. But yeah, tell me anything you want. I wanna become friends with you online and just kinda like build up that community. So come and say hi and hello to me. Um, also I do encourage you to take a peek into the show notes below and like again, sign up for the weekly newsletter which just got updated into a really cool notion website. So basically now if you sign up for the newsletter, I'm going to still send you an email, but it's going to include a link to go to where the actual newsletter is. And it's kind of like built on what you would see normally for like a blog kind of thing. Uh, but I just feel like it's more fun because I'm able to actually embed videos. You could actually listen to, um, recent podcast episodes there if you want. Or I could just hit, hit the um, podcast and it'll link you to Spotify. And I also link to Apple if that is your choosing. And I can also share like videos there, like I shared a recent, uh, cool TikTok video there that you're able to just like watch in the client or take you to the app if you want. So I just think it's fantastic. So, uh, the weekly newsletter you can set up for that down on the show. It's below. You can suggest a topic for the podcast. You can vent anonymously. Um, oh, you can, um, go and find the YouTube channel for the video versions of the podcasts that are slowly being updated and we're so close to close in my, in my mind to being current. So check out all of those fantastic things and um, again, I look forward to becoming friends with you online, but let's get into our topic, which again is your guide to confidence. So I think that if I were to not allow what other people said about me or like what they thought of me or any of their opinions, um, to like really have a hold on me, um, or even what they thought that I actually was capable of, a lot of those different topics definitely came up when I was growing up. If I had not allowed any of that to have like this strong hold on me, I would've been crazy confident growing up. And I'm sure a lot of us can recall a time where in our lives where if this or that or whatever hadn't like grasped us so tightly in our life, we could have been confident, we could have been so creative, we could have been so focused, we could have accomplished this, that and the other. And I'm not here to push us to live in the past or the shoulda coulda wouldas or any of that kind of thing, but I think it's healthy for me to realize that, you know, those things that I allowed to hold myself back. I wanna make sure that, you know, my kiddo is aware of those things and she can go through her own journey of at least hearing a cautionary tale. And a lot of times we still need to go through our own experiences to really learn things, which is totally fine, but it's like you can share this information with really helpful to them, um, going through similar experiences in the future, but also just to reflect on how far you've come in your growth and you just being able to do bigger and better things and not give up on yourself. So I think it's good to like pop into the past for that kind of thing, but don't stay there. Like, don't like rent anything. Don't, don't think about taking a mortgage out in your past. It's not worth it. It's think of it as like that bad neighborhood that never live in. You will not, you would rather like take up roommates in the really nice part of town than you would ever live in your own apartment in that really bad part of town. So let's not dwell on the past, but I was really like reflecting on that. And for me, confidence is something that I'm working on like all the time, all the time. But I didn't truly start, you know, working on it until I was able to like let go and stop being a people blazer to be honest. You know, I feel like I was been working on it like most of my life, but not truly actually taking any like, progress steps, hitting any milestones forward until I was able to let go of that mindset and that behavior. And you know, cuz we really can't be confident if we are so focused on doing everything for everyone else and not caring about ourselves, it's just absolutely impossible. There's just no way we're too wrapped up in these other people. So that's when I actually started really growing in confidence and you know, my confidence has soared even more lately because of my like personal rededication to God and to studying the Bible and deepening that relationship with him and just really wanting to understand that and not be this like surface level Christian that I kind of felt like I have, I'm saying it, I'm being honest about it. I kind of felt like I was like coasting on the surface level and taking, you know, a couple dives deep into the Bible, into the word and him speaking to me and blessing us like beyond beyond like anything we could ever imagine and helping us so many times. And you know, just feeling just, just not like being as dedicated as I as I want to as I know that I should. And I think that, you know, you have to come to that own conclusion if you feel like that's where you are in your relationship with God. And that's the conclusion I came to recently and I've just been like diving in and really seeing the joy and the happiness and the Bible and getting to know him and understand him better. And you know, yesterday I would've told you that, oh, I don't know if I really began to, you know, learning and characterizing every person in the Bible and understanding where they come from. But today, this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, wouldn't it be cool if I did order that book that's called the Who's Who and the Bible? And like learning all the past about all the, anyway, you know, things just change. Our hearts change, our minds change and we decide like what's most important to us. And for me it is that relationship, um, with God. Uh, because you know, it's because I know that he made me for a purpose and values me so much and each one of us, so don't think it's just me. It's, it's like all of us that have that give our lives to him. Um, so I can't waste those gifts and blessings and so that's a lot of where my confidence comes right now, is God flowing through me to do the things that I wanna do and no longer, you know, put that limit on myself because that's what we're doing. We're all allowing our own selves to be held back, to have these limiting beliefs, to not allow us to just like push forward and have the confidence to do the things that you know we need to do. And you know, I'm confident because God has got my back. I truly believe that and he has shown it to me over the years, despite how like, you know, lukewarm or surface level I have been. It's not that I don't believe in God like I do, it's just like my surface level. And this was just like, hmm, you know, like, oh you know, I should be studying my Bible or praying right now, but I'm gonna do something else, right? It's like, you know, putting God's second or third not prioritizing him at the top of my list. So that's what I mean when I say that it was kind of like surfacey level and not as much as I wanted it to be. Um, but yeah, God has got my back all the time and that's what helps me be confident, confident, you know. Um, but that's not to say that I won't stumble sometimes, but it's that I'm trying to go back to that knowledge, you know, when I am feeling unsteady in my mindset and know that God's got me. So that is really where my personal confidence is coming from a lot right now. Um, so I encourage you to reflect on where any even like small spurt of confidence that you have is coming from and really like figure out, wow, where is this deriving from? Even if it's just like sparks of it here and there, not like a constant flow because even mine it feels like a constant flow right now. And I'm sure there's gonna be like struggles that I go through that it feels like things are just cut off, you know, it's like, oh, the river or the water got shut off, but it's, it's really just me like, you know, putting like a, a dam there and being like, nope, no more because of all my own limiting beliefs Anyway. So just kind of like take, take a few moments to reflect on that. I encourage you to do that. Um, but today I am here to share with you again, like I said, not necessarily how to be confident, but what to expect when you want to be confident, when you wanna just step into that confidence that we all know that we have inside of us and just be like, okay, I'm going to be confident. So this will be like a mini guide of what you should and shouldn't expect to do, like the dos and the don'ts kind of situation, uh, when you are stepping into your confidence that again, all of us have, we all have this confidence inside of us. We just need to step into it and fully believe it and know that it's not fake. It is not fake. Um, so I personally believe that it's nice to have guidelines for like a mindset that you want to adapt on the regular, uh, because it helps you like, you know, know along the way like what you need to know and not necessarily like boundaries or guardrails, but things will help you kind of like get back on your path and stay the course and know what to do next and know what to expect and things that you may not have expected to be part of being confident, but they are. And uh, just, just simple guidelines that's cut, that's kind of what I would call it. You know, it's like the do's and don'ts. It'll just help you really like throw your whole self into being confident and that's what we're here to talk about. So before we get into deep into the, you know, the list of the do's and don'ts, the little mini guy that I'm going to unfold for you, I looked up some verses from the Bible that speak on confidence and wanted to share those with you. I often feel like it's nice to have something you can you, you know, anchor the mindset that you desire to have and something that will comfort you, comfort you in times of wanting to give up. And there are so many times where we want to give up and we want to just be like, be done with it and be like, it's not worth it. Let's just live life how we used to. At least we know how that's gonna go. At least we know what to expect and we should not again, limit ourselves, hold ourselves back from so many amazing, wonderful opportunities for us to grow and expand and become our best selves when we can just push ourselves a little further and have these things that will anchor us back into that mindset and that life that we so desire in our working towards. So I just have two verses for you. The first one is Philippians chapter four, verse 13. It says, Roy can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. So in context, which if you're gonna read the Bible and start studying it, I do highly recommend that you read it within context, which means that if you go online and you decide to find, you're like, oh I wanna find a bunch of verses about like, you know, confidence and self-worth and um, you know, knowledge and, and like how much God loves you and how you can do good for him and all of these things, you know, like how to be a light in the world that when you read the verse that it's gonna call you to, when you look these things up on the internet, that you read the context which means read the verses that happened before and read the verses that happen afterwards. And I'm not saying you have to read like the whole entire chapter, although that will give you a really good grasp. But a lot of Bibles these days that are not, I think maybe even the King James and the New King James have this, but I personally like, like the God's word translation, the new Living translation. Um, there's, there's a few other ones. Uh, the message is tough because it's hard for it to actually give you like a direct verse because it's written so in like normal, regular English anyway, you'll figure it out. But I would say try to like read the verses before it the ones after so you have the full context of what You're not just pulling it out as this one specific thing that may not actually mean what you think it means. And then if you still aren't like perfectly sure we're not perfectly sure, but if you're not like really sure about what it means, I would just go online and find a Bible commentary that will a biblical commentary that'll help you break it down. Okay, so the context for Philippians four 13, you know, in this context this scripture is Paul who is like writing so many books in the New Testament. Uh, is Paul expressing how he didn't know anyone, uh, or he didn't need, excuse me, he didn't need anyone to like really worry about him. And so he's expressing in this letter that he's writing that, you know, like I know you guys were worried about me cuz I was up in jail sucks but you didn't need to worry about me. Uh, because he had figured out how to live life under like whatever the struggle, whatever the means are and whatever he had access to. Um, so whatever he had because he had so much faith and belief in God that he would take care of him. And of course he did. And so he was just like not even worried about it at all. So that's why he was saying like for I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength because Christ did give him strength while he was locked away in prison and being persecuted and like all these different things. And so, but that does like present this confidence inside of him. That's how I'm reading it and how I like looked it up is that he has the confidence that God is going to give him the strength to get through whatever situation, scenario, struggle, bust that he is writing because God told him that he got that he has his back. Okay? And so the second verse is from second Timothy, Timothy chapter one verse seven. And it says, for God has given us a spirit, uh, excuse me, for God has not given us a spirit of fear, anonymity, but of power, love, and self discipline. So in context, Paul again amazing, Paul was telling Timothy to not just sit on the gifts that he was given, that Timothy was given, but to use them and not be ashamed to do so because God has not given him and all of us a spirit of fear. So he shouldn't be afraid to use these giftings and these blessings that the God that God has given him to use. Um, and she, he shouldn't be fearful to step out into those things. He should have confidence to step out into those things cuz God has given him the confidence to do so and has his back. You know, and he also mentioned that Timothy, Timothy shouldn't be ashamed of telling people about the Lord either and having confidence that despite what other people think and say and their opinions, it doesn't matter because if you have confidence that God has got your back and that he is amazing and he's done all these things and he's there for us, then we should just be confident in sharing that and know that it's gonna be fine despite people's wayward opinions that don't even really matter. So I really hope that, you know, having those verses and understanding them and you know, understanding the context within will will help you be inspired that we can have confidence despite any sort of struggles or setbacks or things that we might go through or you know, uh, having to deal with people that are always naysayers. We can still have that confidence. So when you're confident you have to believe in yourself. You have to clearly Paul believed in himself and he also believed in Timothy. He was like, look dude, don't be afraid. Okay? God said he's not gonna allow, he's not gonna like put that fear in us man. We just need to be bold and have power and love and belief. So we have to believe in ourselves truly. And there are times that we can latch onto like fake confidence, you know, just like fake it till you make it. If I'm not a big proponent or fan of that at all whatsoever, I would say it's just not worth it. But I know there are times where I have done it and I don't know if there are times in the future where I will have to do that, but I, I hope not. But sometimes you know, you can use that to help you get through like whatever the situation is. But in general I would say that believing in yourself is going to be the key to unlocking as much confidence as you need in whatever the situation is. Even in just like your regular everyday normal boring life. Yes, I said normal boring cuz we, we all have normal and boring days, okay? Um, but yeah, so we need to believe in ourselves. So we need to believe that here's like a quick sequence that I came up with. You need to believe you came up with like a good idea or a good plan of whatever something is that you wanna do. You wanna believe that you can figure out how to get it accomplished and you can believe that you can get the help that you need when it's time to get that assistance depending upon what part of the plan is. And you're not gonna be ashamed or to upen your ego to ask for that help that you need. And you're gonna believe that you can get through whatever setbacks happen because again, God's got your back and you just need to believe in yourself that you can push through, you know, cuz you've done it in the past and you need to believe that you're worthy of doing this thing and taking this thing up and experience it and figuring it out despite who you are or what you've been through. And finally believe that it's a success. Whether it turned out the way you wanted to or not. I think it's interesting concept to think of, and this is like the first time I really thought about this, to think of everything as a success once you get to the end of it. Because regardless of how it turned out and whether it went the way that you wanted to or not, it's a success because you got to the end and you might think, well there's definitely some projects that I did and we didn't really get to the quote unquote end, we had to just end it. It's like okay, well you still came to an end, you still made the brave decision to end it and to move on from it cuz it wasn't worth it. Or if someone else told you that it isn't, you had to give it up but you still made it to that point. You still put all that time and energy and effort into it and still a success. And it's a success because you're gonna take all that knowledge and experience and use it towards something in the future. And again, you still made it to the end. So just consider that sequence of like, you know, needing to believe in yourself, to have the confidence that you want to use to do all the things and live your great life. Um, and really think about how it's the noise around us that prevents us from believing we can do it. Like do whatever it is and you know, we put too much stock into other people's opinions. Of course I've definitely experienced that. Uh, wanting to impress people that really don't care about us as much as we think they do. You know, that's, there is a lot of truth in there and allowing our past experiences and mistakes to limit us. We need to break free from all of that mess and go all in on, you know, we know deep down inside that we are enough, we are enough to do these things and have this confidence and step out in faith and believe that we can do it. You know? And if you need even more convincing before we move on to going down our little mini guide, God tells us we are his masterpiece. And if you don't believe me, you can look it up in Ephesians, the book of Ephesians chapter two verse 10. God calls us his masterpiece and we have been renewed in him to do great things. You know, and a lot of those things could be the things that you are trying to muster up the confidence and the courage to step out into when you just seem to believe in yourself. Cuz God already believes in you and knows that you can do great things, right? That's why he's, he made you in his image. He, he sent his son to die for you. Like all of these things, you already have someone on your side if you feel like you don't. I used to all the time feel like there was no one there cheering me on or no one there having my back until I remembered, oh, God's always there, we have to allow him to be there with us. You know what I mean? And ah, we have been renewed in him to do great things. If we are so loved and valued by the God of the universe, we are good enough to do whatever we are called to do. So remember that if you need more convincing that you are enough, you can do it. You have what you need to do it. Um, you might need to like, you know, maybe you need to strengthen your relationship with God to, you know, feel like you have that extra and just give your life to him and you'll definitely have, he'll definitely have your back 24 7. Um, but he loves all of us so don't forget that. So before we get into the list, as always, here is the mini disclaimer, the tips and advice I'm about to give to you is based all on my own knowledge and research and experience and the experiences of others. And I am able to share with you if you find that what I'm about to share does not align with what you think will help you to, you know, be your guide to having confidence and stepping into your confidence. I do encourage you to seek out a counselor or a therapist and have that one-on-one time to figure out what would align best with you in having like a guide to have confidence, step into your confidence and be more confident. If you don't wanna do that, you can always go to our best friend Google and you know, type in like confidence or what do confident people do and other keywords that would like really fit in. And that will give you so many articles and videos and other podcasts and blogs and uh, all kinds of things that can help you maybe find that a answer that aligns for you right now in your life and this season of life and just how you feel about the whole topic. So I just wanna encourage you that sometimes all the time, not every piece of advice is gonna hit with everyone and that's totally perfectly fine. And remember that for everything that you ever read or see your watch or listen to on the internet or even here in real life. So let's go ahead and jump in. Uh, let's go over our dos and don'ts for being confident. I have eight to share with you and let's go. So the first one is confident people aren't afraid to say no. Confident. People aren't afraid to say no. Confident people often have personal boundaries and if you need some help with your personal boundaries, I do have a podcast that came out, I think it was like five to 10 episodes ago. Look back in the archives and that will teach you about personal boundaries. But it's important to realize that when you're confident you have the boundaries to not allow all of this like noise to affect what you're doing. And again, it's not a perfect thing. There'll definitely be times where we all stumble and we just feel very unsure. But if we go back to our anchor and know that okay, I'm capable of doing this, then it'll kind of like reset your course to continuing on that journey that you were headed on. But people confident, people aren't afraid to say no, they aren't afraid to say no when they're being asked to do too much or being asked to do something that just doesn't feel right or align with, you know, their values, their beliefs or what they're actually supposed to be doing and what they don't wanna engage in, right? What they know or maybe they have the discernment to know is just not gonna be a right fit is just not going to be beneficial to that person, to them or to many other people. Whatever the circumstance may be. We need to have the boundaries and the self respect to say no when it's just not gonna fit or we don't want to do it. And it's not for like, like a super selfish reason. It's more of like you need to protect yourself, you need to keep yourself safe, you need to do what's going to um, be beneficial, right? And not cause harm. So confident people aren't afraid to say no. Number two is confident people respect themselves. We just, but I just mentioned that confident people respect themselves. So you need to treat yourself with compassion and forgiveness and you know, God has offered us so much forgiveness, um, for our sins and so, you know, he sent his son so he can like be a child of his and just be come up under him and, and be a part of this like kingdom and and sit next to him on the, on the throne and just like be a part of that family. It's amazing and we should be like if he can forgive us then we can forgive ourselves for whatever silly we can have compassion for ourselves when we do fall down and make mistakes and have setbacks and feel like we've regressed in some of the growth that we are going through because that's natural cause we're humans and we're not perfect, right? And that's okay as long as we continue to keep going and like have the spirit and the focus to try to grow and try to like move forward and, and do our best. But we're gonna stumble and fall a little bit. So we need to have that compassion and that forgiveness for ourselves and we also don't wanna allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by others. That also is another way to show yourself respect. You need to take care of yourself. Again, implementing personal boundaries, being able to say no will definitely help with not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. And you don't need to just be like told what to do by other people. And you need to have the ability to know what is right for you and what you should be involved in and what you shouldn't be. And stand up for yourself and don't allow people to push you around. Number three, confident people aren't afraid to tell the truth. Confident people aren't afraid to tell the truth. You might think this is unnecessary for me to mention. I am telling you 110%, it is absolutely necessary for me to mention this. Unfortunately there's no reason to be dishonest about like your point of view on how you would see something or how you feel about something, your personal opinion. We all have the right to that sometimes you know it's not going to fit well with other people and that's because they just are having trouble seeing it that way. Their mind isn't as like open and flexible and um, they haven't practiced the ability of having a wide perspective to see things uh, from other people's points of view. But there's no reason for you to lie or be dishonest about your point of view or about how you feel, especially your own personal emotions. We just need to make sure that how we're feeling is based on how we are choosing to feel because we are the only person in control of our emotions, feelings, actions, behaviors and mindsets. And we need to remember that when we're sharing how we're feeling. So we're not trying to project those feelings onto someone else when we could have chosen to feel whatever way we wanted despite the experience that we have gone through. But yeah, so there's no reason to be dishonest about your point of view or how you feel. And also there's no reason to lie about anything or anyone because lying does not accomplish anything good at all whatsoever. So there's no reason to like lie about something someone did that would offer you an opportunity to get back at someone or to get ahead in life or to get you what you want and stomp on everyone on your way there. You know, there's no need to do that. It's, it's, it's gonna catch up with you all in the long run. And I know that you might think, well I want things now and I don't care the consequences later. You will regret that decision later I promise you. So there's no reason to lie, there's no reason to be dishonest. Just tell the truth in everything you do. Number four, confident people embrace making mistakes and experiencing failures. Confident people embrace making mistakes and experiencing failures. So mistakes and failures are life's best learning lessons. I say it all the time, I created a sticker out of it when I came out with journals in the fall. It is like a motto that I live by and it's actually another like anchor thing that I have to turn my mindset back to when these things happen because I obviously if I'm allowing my emotions to drive the bus, which sometimes I do because again I am not perfect and I'm working on it. But when I do I immediately wanted to just get upset and I'm like, oh my gosh, how could I have made a mistake I practiced so many all planned out. Or how could this have turned out to be a failure? I had that experience last week. I was like, how did this not work out the way that we thought it was gonna work out? We did so much planning and preparing and thought but it just didn't. And sitting in our pit of despair, like being sad about it, is not gonna change the fact that it was a failure. We need to take all of that experience and everything we learned and put it towards doing that thing again in the future and then anything else that comes close to that experience using that knowledge and wisdom that we gained from that mistake or that failure. And that's what I'm planning on doing with the thing that we experienced last week. And it's the only thing I can do because again, sitting here put despair will not change anything. If anything it'll make you more sad and it'll limit you more on what you can do cuz you're so focused on this one thing, it didn't work out when maybe it didn't work out on purpose because there's a bigger and better plan for you and what's gonna happen in the future. You just gotta keep, you gotta keep it moving, gotta keep it moving forward. You know, <laugh> so you, yeah, mistakes and failures are life's best learning lessons and we can't avoid these experiences forever. We can't avoid failure or mistakes forever. And the sooner that we experience them, to be honest, the sooner we have the practice to go through them again in the future. And it won't seem so scary and it won't seem like this thing that's like, oh my gosh, this crazy bump in the road that I have to go through. You've already gone through some in the past if you allow yourself just to like live life and go through it and then it doesn't seem so bad when it happens again. Now maybe it'll happen on a grander scale and it will be like, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? But you can still like reflect back on those times and know that oh okay, I was able to get through all these things, I'm able And you can also, you know, call on God if you need that help and have him come and help you. Number five, confident people don't need to overpower others to get their point across. Confident people don't need to overpower others to get their point across. So confidence doesn't mean ego at all. And I wanted to make sure that I mentioned this because I think a lot of people feel like they have to have an ego to be confident and that's just not true. You don't, you don't have to feel like you are better than anyone else to be seen as great or important. So if you wanna get your point across, like talking over people and being aggressive and you know, talking down to other people, being condescending, saying rude things, that's not gonna make your point more valid. It's not gonna make it want to be heard more than it already was. It's, it's really gonna do actually be like a disservice to you because people will see your true character come out and your desire to be heard and then it's really just like a red flag that you're just doing it out of this like selfish need. So when you're confident it's not an equal thing to having and needing to have this huge ego or even like jump to the most dramatic thing, which would be like being a narcissist. It's not like the qualification. You can be confident and just calmly wanna share your opinion and be respectful in the timing and in the way that you share your opinion and still get your point across so you don't need to overpower others to you are wanting to step into your confidence. Number six, confident people embrace and are flexible to change. Confident people embrace change and are flexible to change. So you're confident enough in what you know you can do and reflecting on past victories and even things that you don't feel like was a victory, but you still can count it as a success as we talked about already, cuz you got through it and you did so much work to get through that, right? So you can reflect on that and whatever else is coming at you, you know that you can figure it out. You know that whatever you have to go through, whatever changes abruptly, it might shock you at first and you might be, oh my gosh, like, you know, like shell-shocked or, or shooken shooken. You might be, you might like shake at the idea of having to go through such a dramatic change, but if you're able to just have that flexibility in your mind that you've gone through change in the past and maybe you didn't label it as this big change, which is something that like slowly progressed over time or there were big changes and you still are able to get through it, you just have to reflect on the fact that you have done that before. And if you feel like you haven't done that before, then if you truly are just like scared outta your mind, then you just need to ask other people that have gone through that before. How did you get through that change? What did you do? Where was your mindset? How did you calm your nerves? What was able to help you reset your mindset in the moments where you felt the most scared, the most fearful? And just reaching out and asking people those things and getting their feedback from multiple people. Don't just do it for one person. I would say minimum like two, three or four is better, five is amazing. And just having that information on hand. And then also prayer. Prayer helps, prayer helps me a lot.<laugh> it helps me in like the times where I just feel so overwhelmed and even the times where I'm just a little bit like annoyed or like, ugh, why is this happening? And then it's just like kind of like, ugh, like a slow calm comes over me. So I just would encourage you to really embrace and have flexibility and change that comes at you because a lot of times change will bring lots of opportunity, opportunity for growth, opportunity for your your dream to start having doors open for you to progress towards that. And just amazing things that you would never like expect or you didn't have on your list of things that you wanted, uh, because they were just two grand for you to even, you know, imagine. And now they're here and you're like, oh my gosh. So be embrace and be flexible to change. Oh, also let's not forget that as a child of God, we know he is always with us and will never leave us hanging. And so that's what, that's what you feel like and you feel like there's no one there to help you. God will never leave you hanging. So we can count on God to help us through whatever we are going through. Just so you know. Number seven, confident people don't need to prove themselves to anyone. Confident. People don't need to prove themselves to anyone. This is one I definitely need to remember. Like all of them I need to remember and like write down again <laugh>, but confident people don't need to prove themselves to anyone. You know, when I was writing the notes, like immediately, immediately this came to my mind and I was like, and I'm pretty sure it was like, God, just be like, here we go, let's flow through. Let's, let's, let's, this is, this is what you need to write. Ask yourself why you feel the need to prove yourself to anyone. Like ask yourself why and be honest. Because if you can't be honest with yourself, you can't be honest with anyone. But really ask yourself why. You know what, like ask yourself why and then ask yourself what will it accomplish? What will proving yourself to anyone accomplish, right? And you're probably like, well if I prove to them that I can do a good job at this, that and the other, then I'll get the promotion or I'll get the respect. If you should not be proving yourself to get respect and or I will get the person to be my friend or I will get the the pay raise. There are gonna be some instances where, yeah, if you're working at a job, you do have to prove that you're like growing and learning and doing all these good things and they'll give you a raise or they'll give you a promotion or whatever it is. But I feel like outside of that, you don't necessarily need to be like outroing yourself to other people because it's not really going to afford you or accomplish you anything. Because if you are just living true in your character and in integrity, which is like, you know, honesty and living by your core values and beliefs and upholding those things, no matter the struggle or situation experiences that you are going through and fairness and things like that, then your character will, like how you come across will prove to people who you are without you having to exude this extra effort. It's just such an energy waster at, sorry, I totally believe that. So, you know, ask yourself why you feel the need to prove yourself. What will it actually accomplish for you? And I want you to know that when you do think about how confident people do not need to prove themselves to other people, know that trying to impress or prove yourself to people often stems from insecurities. And you know, when you're confident, when you're stepping into your confidence and wanting to become who you are meant to be and really like thrive in that area, you don't need to live your life through the lens of your insecurities. Yes, your insecurities could still be there and you're still working on 'em and growing through them and things are getting stronger and better, but you don't need to live your life through that lens of insecurities of letting those things control you. Which, uh, which I is leading to you allowing your emotions to drive the bus. And lord knows it's, it's, it's a crazy ride that sometimes we feel like we don't survive. So it's, it's just a lot and it also instills a lot of fear in us and a lot of regret and a lot of doing things we shouldn't have done because we're doing them out of fear and, and and feeling like we need to like, you know, be in this like survival mode, you know? So we don't need to prove ourselves to anyone, it's just like our character and our integrity will do that for us. And if we, um, actually follow through and do what we say we're gonna do, be intentional with our words. You know, number eight in the end of our little mini guide of confidence is confident people find no benefit in being envious or jealous of what other people are doing and accomplishing confident people find no benefit in being envious or jealous of what other people are doing or accomplishing. I put this one at the end, I don't know, I think it's because the one i I personally struggle with the most is being jealous or envious. It's a tough one for me, like for reals and that's just me being honest and it's because I feel like I'm behind in life to be honest with you. And I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels that way. I often feel like I'm behind in life because I'm a 37 really accomplished many goals or fulfilled too many dreams. There's definitely some that I have for sure, but the big ones that have anything to do with like a career or you know, um, helping a big portion of the world with their mental health and their mindset and now that being tied to, um, sharing God and, and how he changes lives, it it, I just allow that envy and jealousy to creep in and get me and I need you no longer do that. And I think the more that we tell ourselves that we happen because it's the truth, we just like sugarcoat it with like, oh, these things happen to me when in when in reality we're allowing these things to happen to us. If we tell ourselves more often how we're allowing these things to happen, I feel like it kind of like breaks that, you know, projection mindset, that kind of victim mindset that we can fall into where we find at in our pit of despair that we don't wanna hang out in too much. We're able to break free from that and realize, oh my gosh, I'm allowing these things and what can I just do? Just not allow them. It sounds super simple, it's crazy difficult. Um, but I feel like that will really help us. So, you know, there's no benefit in being envious or jealous of what other people are doing or accomplishing because when you are stepping into your confidence, you are confident enough in what you are doing that there is no need to be consumed with wanting what someone else is doing. You are so focused on being confident in your things and what you're doing and what you're gonna accomplish and the dreams that you are gonna fulfill and the change that you are making in the world and who you are and whatever that is, you're so consumed with that and hopefully being a light in the world. That's what I'm focusing on a lot too, that who cares what they're doing. Like you wanna like, you know, cheer them on, like good job like doing that and becoming that crazy big businesswoman and developing these products and doing this, that and the other. Like, it's great getting awards for this Nobel Peace prize. Good job. I'm really excited about what I'm doing over here. I need to focus on what I'm doing over here. If I wanna get to a point where I just wanna, I wanna cheer myself on so much like that, then I need to focus on what I'm doing on doing over here, like what I need to work on, right? You also know that being jealous or envious when you're stepping into your confidence will accomplish nothing truly. Well, anytime that I've had like a fit of jealousy or envy, that's why I call it where I just like feel so consumed by it, it doesn't accomplish anything. If anything it makes me feel worse. I would say 95, 90% of the time I feel worse after really just like sitting in it and being like, why not me? Blah, blah blah. You know? And then I, you have to like take a step back and be like, okay, well what am I doing to accomplish my goals? What am I doing to move forward? Nothing. Okay, well what should we be doing here? If you're literally taking no action steps to move forward, then how do you expect for you to wanna be where they are when they were doing all this work and all this other struggle that we probably don't even see? Cuz we know we're kind of like, you know, idolizing them on social media, which we shouldn't be doing anyway. Why don't you go do the work and I'm talking to myself here too, like, go do the actions, covid, do the work, go put in the time, go put in the effort, go ask for the help. Go take some risks, take some chances, put yourself out there. Use that confidence as a stepping stone step into the things that you wanna do. You wanna accomplish being jealous or envious. We'll accomplish. Nothing will make you feel worse. Only taking action will create change. And we really do need to stop idolizing people on the internet because we don't see their full life. And even though there are people like me dedicated to being totally truthful and vulnerable in everything we do and just being transparent and the struggles and the hardships, but also the joy and the happiness, not everyone is comfortable doing that. And that is fine. That is their right. So we just need to be careful what we're focusing on. But that's it, that's all of my little mini guide on confidence and really stepping into it and what you should expect and the kind of the dos and the don'ts and the things that'll help you and the, the guidelines that'll help you just really step into it more and like fully encompass that confidence that you want and need to do all the things in your life. So thank you so much for listening to The Real Positive Girl podcast again with me, Sabrina, I appreciate you being here downloading, sharing this show. You guys are amazing. I encourage you to check in the show notes below. Don't forget to come say hi to me on social, check out the YouTube channel, sign up for the weekly newsletter, it's super cool. And suggest a topic anonymous venting. Also topic suggesting is anonymous as well. Send me an email, do all the things. But until next time, my friends, have a good one and I will see y'all next time. Bye.