5 Tips for When You're Struggling with Uncertainty - Fear, Worry & Anxiety

When we feel uncertain, we are dealing with not knowing what is coming next. We are sometimes anxious about the future we don’t know & what could happen that we aren’t prepared for.

Life is so much easier to live when we know what is coming next. When we know what to expect and we can prepare for it, even if it’s bad.

Our brains are often looking for patterns and predictability, so when something is uncertain, it’s much harder for the brain to understand what’s happening, with this expectation that we SHOULD know, which can also manifest into anxiety. And when things are uncertain, it can also throw your brain into assessing whether there is a possibility of a threat or risk we need to prepare. It’s the ambiguity that presses us to feel threatened and to get so fixated on turning that uncertainty into certainty.

The best piece of advice for dealing with uncertainty is to develop a tolerance for it. You have to continue to endure it, with a mindset that knows that is what needs to happen, and it will become more tolerable over time. And maybe that is the only tip you needed for handling uncertainty. You’re welcome! LOL! But I will be sharing 5 specific tips on how to better handle uncertainty that is all part of developing that tolerance you need to no longer allow uncertainty to be a big problem in your life.
Here are the 5 tips I have for you to get a better handle on uncertainty:

1. Accept Uncertainty as Normal & Expected 
   1. Uncertainty is a part of life that we CANNOT get away from. It will ALWAYS be there & we need to accept that. Honestly, acceptance is always the first step in learning o deal with most things and it’s because we have to be on board with that thing being a reality in life before we take any heavy actions towards dealing with it.
2. Understand the Difference Between Known Unknowns & Unknown Unknowns 
   1. Known Unknowns are things you KNOW will happen, but not exactly sure how it will come about. Example: You KNOW it’s going to rain today, but you’re unsure of WHEN it’s going to rain & whether or not you will experience it.
   2. Unknown Unknowns are things you REALLY don’t know & will have to trust will work out. Example: You invest money into something, hoping it will pay off for you later, but there is no way to know it ACTUALLY will. You are going into it with blind faith.
3. Develop Coping Mechanisms to Combat Being Overly Emotional 
   1. Uncertainty can be emotionally challenging for us because it’s such a huge loss of control. Dealing with uncertainty without control over your emotions can also trigger fear, frustration & sometimes anger because you feel so out of control.
   2. Good options for Coping Mechanisms: Mindfulness, positive self-talk, spending more time problem-solving instead of worrying, practicing gratitude and leaning on your support people.
4. Focus On What You Can Control 
   1. Put all your energy into what you CAN actually control, instead of wasting time on things you can do nothing about.
5. Come Up With a Few Alternate Plans 
   1.  You can foster your own comfort & calmness by knowing you have other options to go with.

Transcript

0:03

This is the Real Positive Girl podcast, and I am your host, Sabrina, and I'm here chatting with you, of course, about your emotions, your mental health struggles, how to take those first few steps towards being more vulnerable, being more honest, you know, being more self-aware. I believe that self-awareness is right up there with, uh, how important it is to learn communication skills. Truly believe that. And so I do this two times a week. We do it all together as a community two times a week. So if you're new here, then welcome on in. And if you are not new, welcome back to the Chaos You guys. Uh, so today we are going to chat about five tips for when you're struggling with uncertainty, right? Uh, but before we do that, I wanna make sure that you've taken some time to take a peek down in the show notes below where we can become friends online by following me on IG and TikTok at real, uh, not real at Sabrina. Joy Pero on Twitter, though I am at real, Sabrina. Joy, if you're into that also, please, please, please check down on the show notes because there's also a link to me continually adding more video versions of the podcast. So if you're more interested in watching it in some sort of like video aspect where you can see me like do crazy motions with my hands and, uh, facial expressions and all of those kind of things, please go check that out. I am still uploading, trying to get caught up. Uh, it's probably gonna take another couple weeks to get them up, so don't worry. The quality of the recording does get better.<laugh> as of the last couple episodes, we are using like actual real nice cameras, a little bit better lining and it's a little better. So, you know, if you enjoy the video version, go watch it and just know that in like, I don't know, 20, 30 episodes, it gets better <laugh> anyway, so go check that out. I think that you'll really, really, um, enjoy that. And there's all kinds of other stuff down there in the show notes below like the newsletter and the journal and, um, all kinds of things. So check all of those awesome things out and I look forward to us becoming friends online. But let's just go ahead and jump right on in to today's topic, which again is five tips for when you're struggling with uncertainty. So in regards to like the, I would say personal connection, then I always share with you in regards to whatever the topic at hand that we were talking about for that episode of the podcast. For me, uncertainty is like highly linked to fearing the worst thing that could happen,<laugh>, of course. And I feel like a lot of us will resonate with that, like description or reflection of what we, you know, uh, tie uncertainty too, right? And so, like the worst thing that could happen, like I'm afraid that it's always gonna happen, it's like right on the cusp of happening and every time it doesn't happen or something that I think is like the worst case scenario, it's like, ugh, it's, it, it kind of like is a letdown. Almost because I wish that it had just happened so we can just kinda like move on with our lives. But then of course, even if it does happen, it's like it feels like something else is right around the corner, still waiting for us, still there to, you know, freak us out <laugh> and cause more drama than is absolutely necessary. You know what I mean? So, you know, I grew up personally as I've shared, um, in previous episodes with like a ton, a ton, a ton of chaos. So I was constantly worried that the worst was yet to come. It was gonna, it was just like, ah, you know, like just, you know, you can't see on me on the video, I'm doing like spirit fingers, but it feels like, you know, kind of like fent, Tama like a ghost. It's like slowly creeping in to just like get me and I would constantly be bracing for it. I think it's, that's actually like where I began this whole like tenseness in my body and it's something that I am constantly aware of nowadays so that I can let it go because it causes a lot of discomfort, you know? And if you find yourself feeling like, wow, why is my body so tired or so much in pain? Like your shoulders, your hands, your arms, even your, even your butt cheeks. I'm not kidding, that's actually a new one for me where you're just like clench everything is just like clenched up <laugh> and you're like, why is this happening? Why do I feel so much pain? It's just that that tenseness that, that anxiety, that stress, that worry, all that just like really uh, being like um, seen through your body, right? And it's just, it's cuz if you think that your mental health struggles, your mindset things or whatever you're going through with your emotions is only in your mind, it really isn't. It's through your whole entire body, even in your digestive system and like, uh, all the systems that run the blood and in your heart and all of this stuff, it is all connected. I know that for without a shout of a doubt. And I'm really excited to read a book that talks all about that. You know, it's called um, the Body Keeps Score. Anyone's read that, send me an email or some sort of message on socials cause I wanna know your review on that. But it's all connected together and I think that made it even worse. It's like you feel it in your mind of like bracing for this uncertainty that you know is coming to get you, but then you also have the pain, you know, also reverberating like through your whole body of again, like waiting on the brink for this uncertainty to come and get you. And even though I knew even as a child, you know, that there is a normal level of uncertainty, like a very normal level where it's like expected, like there's no way to know, you know, despite people saying that they know the future, don't believe it, um, like, you know, fortune tellers and everything like that. Prophetic things are different. I do believe that. But that also comes with understanding like who's sharing those thoughts and feelings and how that's coming across, yada yada yada things we don't want to talk about today. Uh, but it's just like, you know, I understand like we can't know everything, right? But it was when like multiple things started to creep many uncertainties to deal with, you know what I mean? They were just like swirling around. It's like you were in the middle of a tornado of uncertainties and it was just way too much for me. For me personally, it was just way too much. And so the only way I was gonna be able to like get through it was to do a ton of work on my own personal like anxiety management and like me, like being able to finally not allow uncertain the feeling of uncertainty and like driving up my anxiety is like I had to actually like focus on how to work on that cuz it was so difficult. It was just, it was just taking over my mind in so many things. And I'm sure that a lot of you can relate. But for me to finally get over that and, and realize that it was an actual problem, it was, there was a time where I didn't realize it was an actual problem. Um, I did, yeah, again, I had to work on my um, anxiety management and that um, you know, understand, it's like I'm trying to find like the best way to say this. So it's not super cheesy, but I'm just gonna move past that. I probably will, but understand and know that what's going on, like how I feel and how um, uncertainty causes so many emotions to be triggered as once and feeling so worried that I'm not alone in that I'm not alone in that experience. So many people deal with it. So many people struggle with it. Um, so knowing that I'm not alone in that and that there is nothing more that I can do about it. Like there really isn't. And I try to remind myself of that all the time, all the time and usually more towards like worrying about something that has already happened. But it does cross over very easily to uncertainties of not understanding what will happen next. And I believe that those two things are connected. Like you're reflecting on like what already happened do it again or do this, that and the other. You know, hindsight's 2020, but also because of all of that that happened, wishing and hoping and worrying about the fact that, oh my gosh, how is this going to reflect into the future with all of that uncertainty? You know what I mean? And often I have to tell myself literally there's nothing you can do. You've done everything you can, you just gotta wait it out. Which is never an exciting answer, but that's just the reality of life <laugh>. You know what I mean? So when we feel uncertain, like we're just like not sure we are dealing with not knowing like what is coming next, just, just to like honestly just be, have all the clarity in the world of what we're talking about, which I know that you guys know what uncertainty is. But just to be clear, so like we, you know, we're dealing with not knowing what is coming next. We are sometimes, I wouldn't say all the time cause I'm sure there's people out there that don't deal with this, but sometimes anxious about the future we don't know and what could happen that we aren't prepared for. And if you do deal with anxiety, I'm sure that you will relate to the fact that you wanna come up with like a hundred different like ways to be prepared for everything back and front, uh, up and down back like everywhere. You wanna know every different which way, where your emergency exits are. So you wanna be prepared to understand that okay, this doesn't work out, we got this, if this doesn't work out, we got this. And that could be really helpful until you overdo it. And again, you have like a list of like a hundred different ways to be prepared, quote unquote. And that kind of just like really drives up the anxiety of being like, oh my gosh, I don't know what's gonna happen ever. So I have to come up with a hundred <laugh> uh, different scenarios that could happen and then problem solve for every single one of those. And it can be, uh, a little too much cuz you feel like you need to be prepared for everything, which is not true. You wanna be prepared for a few different scenarios, but you also wanna be able to practice the mental flexibility to just take life as it is, which my friend, it's not easy, especially if you have control issues, which I do struggle with and I'm sure some of you guys do as well, but life is so much easier to live also when we know what is coming next, right? Like if you know what's gonna happen tomorrow, like without a shadow of a doubt and you feel like pretty sure and you're like, oh, it's, it's okay if it like all of a sudden is half cloudy as opposed to fully cloudy or the sun actually shines out, that's great. That doesn't really matter to you, but it's like, you know what's gonna happen tomorrow. You can really expect what's gonna happen in the next week. You know how this person's gonna respond to this, you understand that this thing is gonna work out. Like whatever, right? It just feels so comfortable. You feel so confident, you're like, okay this is, this makes life so much easy and we know what to expect and we can prepare for it even if it's bad, right? So if we know that we are going to get in trouble tomorrow at work or that whatever thing that we did is going to like cause a lot of backlash or that, you know, it's one of those situations, what's the phrase of like, um, uh, ask for forgiveness later. You know, like don't ask, uh, ask don't ask permission, ask for forgiveness later. So you're not asking per permission upfront, you're kind of just like going for it. And so, but you know that by doing that that'll cause whatever consequences to happen and you know that those are gonna happen. So you still feel very confident and not really uncertain of how it's gonna roll out because maybe you've done this before in the past, I don't know. Uh, but yeah, a lot of us have experienced situations that it feels like we're just going through a repeat of it so it doesn't feel very uncertain or very scary. So even if it's a bad thing, it's still like, okay, if I know it's coming I can prepare for it. I can be ready mentally, physically, emotionally ready for that. And you know, it's because our brains are often looking for, um, patterns and predictability, right? And again, that just fosters this comfort. So when something is uncertain, it's much harder for the brain to understand like what's happening. It's like what's happening? What the heck is happening? What is going on? And with this expectation that we should know, right? So have you ever like felt that where you're like, okay, there's so much uncertainty, I don't know what's happening. I feel like I should know what's happening. Why don't And your brain is just like, ugh, all over the place. Like why don't I know what's happening? What is going on today? Right? And you know, this can also like manifest into high anxiety if that is something that you struggle with, right? And it actually could shoot off into so many different emotions very easily. You know, cuz when things do become, or when things are not become but are uncertain, you can also throw your brain brain into assessing whether there's like a possibility of like a threat or a risk that we need to prepare for. It's like, oh my gosh, I don't know if you know, you're going to, let's see, let's, uh, oh yeah, you don't know if you're going, if maybe like you're gonna be chosen to do this really big thing at work tomorrow. Like you just don't know. Like there's no way for you to know that uncertainty is just really causing a lot of anxiety and bubbling up inside of you and you feel like you should know based upon all the work and the effort that you've done. And, but there's no way for you to know. And so your brain is like, okay, is this a threat or a risk? And that could even not necessarily be directly to you in like a physical way, but even in like a mental way. Like, oh my gosh, this is this gonna risk our job? Is this gonna risk? Uh, like is this a threat towards whether we are doing well at our job if we are going to have to endure other things because we weren't big client presentation and it means a lot, right? You know what I mean? So there is this possibility, uh, there's the brain feels like there is this possibility and it has to evaluate and prepare and figure out what the heck is gonna happen next. You know, cuz it's the ambiguity, you know, that presses us to feel threatened cuz we don't know. It's very ambiguous. It's very like in like in the gray, like in between, you know, that space and it presses us to feel threatened and to get so fixated on turning that in that uncertainty into certainty, right? Like that is the main objective. That is the main goal. Now we gotta figure out how we can shift from UNC to certain so that we feel comfortable, which is not the reality of how everything's gonna turn out. As we know, as you know, as I know from so many examples in my life, ridiculously. So it's just crazy how our brain is like, no, we need to know, we need. That comfort. We need to, you know, um, it's like threat level 10 because we don't know if our, if not if we're gonna get this presentation, if we don't know if we're gonna get this opportunity. We don't know, um, if, or even like the uncertainty of maybe you're trying to fly home from somewhere or fly to somewhere that you need to be. And there is problems with the flight. And so it's very uncertain if you're gonna make it or if you're gonna get on the flight or if you're gonna get a next flight. And it's just like, you know, all your emotions start to like heighten and it just cause chaos and anarchy in your brain. Ooh, it can be a lot. And I want you to know, like before we dive into anything deep, because we're about to do the tips and the, I like the advice I wanna share with you, but really the best piece of advice for dealing with uncertainty here, I'm gonna give it to you right now. The best piece of advice, the best piece of advice for dealing with uncertainty is to develop a tolerance for it. To develop a tolerance for it. So you have to continue to endure it with a mindset that knows that this is what needs to happen. Like you're like, okay, I gotta keep going. Can't give up, can't give in, and it will become more tolerable over time. You know, easy peasy, lemon's, queasy,<laugh> and maybe that is like the only tip that you needed for handling, uh, for handling uncertainty. You're that's all it takes and it just takes it to be, you still have to tolerate it more. Yeah, that's it. That's the magic. You're welcome. Um, but I will be sharing five specific takes on how to better handle uncertainty. Uh, that is all part of developing that tolerance that I believe that that's what you need to no longer allow uncertainty to be in your life. But if that was really all you needed and you're like, okay, I kind of just like brings it all together, there you go. You just have to learn how to tolerate it more. Um, but yeah. So I do wanna give you five tips that, uh, will help you get a better handle on uncertainty, develop that tolerance that you need to just kind of like allow it to exist in your life without it creating and causing bigger issues. But as always, before we get into that, I wanna give you my little disclaimer so that you feel comfortable and know that I am trying to be as honest and transparent as I can. So the tips and advice and knowledge that I have provided and I'm about to pride provide to you in addition is all based on my own knowledge and research and my experiences and the experiences of others that I am able to share. And if you feel like what I'm about to share with you is not going to align with what you believe is necessary, uh,<laugh> to help you figure out, uh, um, how to deal with uncertainty, then I encourage you to seek a counselor or a therapist and they will be able to help you, um, really figure out what would work best for you to decide, hey, like this would actually be a better way for you to, um, deal with an uncertainty because, um, sorry guys, I was like looking at something and I Um, so they would be able to help you figure out like what would align best with you figuring out like how to deal with uncertainty, especially if you're at like a high level of dealing with stress and anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. They can definitely like have that one-on-one opportunity to figure out what would align best with you. Um, or if you don't wanna do that, if you don't wanna talk to a therapist or counselor, totally fine. I would encourage you to go to our best friend Google and just type in like how to handle and how to deal with um, uncertainty because then you can just like find all the blog articles, all the recordings, other YouTube videos, other podcasts, um, other socials like that will allow you to have a better understanding of like how to handle uncertainty. So go ahead and check those out. But I am going to share with you five tips I have for you to get a better handle on uncertainty so that you can just take these tips and use them at your wealth. So the first one that we're gonna talk about is accept uncertainty as normal and expected, accept uncertainty as normal and expected. So uncertainty is a part of life that we cannot get away from. I'm just here to tell you like flat out, we cannot get away from it. It just is. It's just here. It's here. She's here to stay <laugh>, she's here to stay forever, right? And you know, it will always be there and we need to just accept that. And I know that's probably not the tip that you were looking for, it's not the tip that you wanted, but I need you to know that that's the best tip<laugh> that is the best tip that I can, I can actually give you because, and it all has to start here. Obviously I have four more tips to give you, but it's just like, it's the one where we just kind of need to accept it in our heart and our mind and be like, okay, because you know, honestly acceptance is always the first step in learning to deal with most things. And it's because we have to be like on board. We have to be on the bandwagon with that thing being a reality in life before we take any heavy actions towards dealing with it. You have to accept that this is a problem. You have to accept that this is effective life. You have to accept that this is in your life. You have to expect that you can't just like make it go away. There is no possibility of that happening. It's just gonna be there. So if we can just start with accepting the fact that uncertainty will be a part of our life, then we will be like already, like I feel like almost halfway on our way to being able to better deal with it. Like I, I I I promise you, I promise you. Okay, so number two is understand the difference between known unknowns and unknown unknowns. If you have no idea what I just said, I do encourage you to pop down to the show notes cuz it'll be clearly written right there for you. And I'm also developing a way to just like share like the actual written out notes that I give so I can, cuz you can't fit 'em all in the show notes because there's like a word count like uh, maximum so that you can actually be able to understand like what I'm thinking and what I'm sharing, what I'm talking about, but just even to understand the premise of what I just said. Understanding the difference between known unknowns and unknown unknowns. So it can be really helpful to know the difference between these because it can help you like release a bit of anxiety attached to not knowing what is going on and how that can affect you. Because when you kind of let go of allowing uncertainty to kinda hold you hostage and you know lead you and trigger you to feel a certain way, it makes life a little better, right? So when we talk about known unknowns, these are things that you know will happen but not exactly sure how it'll come about, how it'll happen when it will happen but you're like this is going to happen, you just don't know when and you're probably like, yeah Sabrina, that kind of feels like what you were talking about before where you were like, yeah you already said that. Like you know when you're waiting for that uncertainty, that worst case scenario thing to drop, that's kind of feels like what that is. But this is actually a little bit different, you know cuz like you can be thinking about the uncertainties of everything in life coming at you and yeah, you can be looking at like a very specific um, unknown, a very specific known unknown like an un an uncertain thing that you kind of know is gonna happen but you're not quite sure. So in the example that I used before, I would say that that would be more classified as like a known unknown. Like you know that either in the example I use that you're gonna be able to present to the big client or you're not. So it's like you know that one of those two things are gonna happen as opposed to like not knowing ever because they didn't give you any information at all when you were told to create a presentation. They're like okay, just do this and then we'll see what happens, right? So when we talk about a known unknown, you're not sure exactly how it's gonna happen or necessarily when, but you know it's gonna happen. So a very good simple example of this would be like, you know it's going to rain because the weather forecast said so the meteorologist did their job and you checked on your phone or on whatever device that you prefer to check the weather and it said it's gonna rain but you're unsure of when it's going to rain despite the fact that the weather report does say it will rain in an hour and there's a 30% chance, but you still don't know if that's actually gonna happen like where you are, you know what I mean? And so whether or not your experience it that's up in the air but you know it's gonna rain so maybe it'll be raining across town and it won't be raining where you are. This actually happened, I was getting in, I was getting kind of into it in like a little funny way with coworkers last week that live across the town, live across town from me. And they were like, yeah it was snowing last week. And I was like, it absolutely was not snowing. And they were like, yes it was, I saw it and I was like, well it wasn't snowing here, at least on my side of town. So it's like that's a known unknown. Like I know that it was gonna snow but I didn't know if it was actually gonna snow here and I didn't know when. And that's fine And I actually, when you're able to classify things more under like a known unknown, it does feel more comfortable. It does like foster this feeling of okay, you know, I don't know when, but I know that something is going to happen and I can kind of feel like I can prepare for that a little bit and then it doesn't feel like it's gonna sneak up on me and get me right now. When we talk about unknown unknowns, like a double unknown, unknown unknowns, these are things that you really don't know and will have to just trust will work out or trust. Like whatever will happen will happen that you're hoping and anticipating will happen, right? So an example would be like, and there's no like no way to know, there's like no way to know what could happen. You could base it on like what happened historically, but it's not necessarily the same thing because it isn't like a carbon copy of what happened before. And even if it is, maybe it's just more volatile in in what it is that you're participating in. So example is you invest money into something, maybe it's a stock, maybe it's some sort of like commodity. I don't know. You invest money into something hoping that it'll pay off for you later, but there is no way to know it actually will, right? You're going into it with like blind faith, you're like, I'm gonna invest all this money into this company because I think it would be a fantastic, but there's no way for you to know just because that you just because that you, just because you invested money into a company before or a company that was similar to that or maybe a company that they actually still own to and it did really well, there's still no promises, there's no way for you to know, right? It's different from the weather. It's like you know it's gonna rain, you just don't know when or how much or if it's in your area. But for investing you could lose your money tomorrow. You just don't know. You just have no idea. So that's an unknown unknowns and those feel worse to deal with cuz it's just like you are going into it again with blind faith, you have to believe that there is like no threat level 10 and that it's gonna be okay and or it's not gonna be okay. And that is something that you have come to terms with, you have accepted it. When you have acceptance on board, things are easier. Remember that when you are more of accepting of things happening that you don't want to happen, that would really suck if it happened. That would make life super difficult if it happened. But if you have acceptance on board and you have the flexibility and your mindset to you know, move and shift as things happen and as you need to take different actions and step back and kind of rethink like how you're gonna go about your life because things have changed, it's a lot easier than having a fixed mindset where you believe that you don't have the capabilities doing, doing this, that or the other because it just isn't inherent in you and you can't just have the acceptance that this is how life is. You just wanna like push back and ask too many questions. I'm such an advocate of asking questions, but there's a time and a place <laugh>. And so it's like you need to be able to let yourself be free to make changes as they arise, as opposed to being so tight in and not letting anything in. And just like really living inside of yourself, inside of your mind and being like, what's happening? I'm so sad. No, you gotta open up a little bit to allow the opportunities and the options and the changes to come into you flood into you so that you can continue to move forward as opposed to just being like a dead stop where nothing else is gonna happen anyway, kind of a tangent. But when you have acceptance on board, life is so much easier, right? You can just like continue to move forward. I'm not saying you were gonna forget or you're gonna let things slide, but it's gonna be a lot easier for you to just like move forward, keep it going, keep it moving, unknown, unknown. So how does this help with uncertainty? Again, if you're able to distinguish one from the other other, if you know that it's a known unknown, you could feel less anxious about it. If it's an unknown unknown, then you have to decide if it's something you wanna deal with. Maybe you have to deal with it and how you can come to terms with accepting it and having blind faith that whatever happens is meant to happen and you just have to accept it. Acceptance number three. Number three, develop coping mechanisms to combat being overly emotional. Develop coping mechanisms to combat being overly emotional. So if we allow our emotions to get too wrapped up and being worried about uncertainty, we can fall into like a deep depression possibly or like really deep anxiety. Maybe that's more likely. Who knows? Depends on like person to person, right? But if we allow our emotions to just like swirl around and that's tornado and just drive the bus and be in charge, then it'll lead us into darker places that we don't really wanna visit. You know, it's really akin to our pit of despair. It's not a fun place. We don't wanna go there all the time. It's, it's, it's not a good time to, it's not a good place to be, right? So uncertainty can be like so emotionally challenging for us because it's such a huge loss of control and I don't care who you are. Control is nice, it feels really good, it feels really good even if you're a people pleaser, you know, even if you're like, you're just like, I'll do whatever. When you have control over something, you're given that like a gift. It feels really, really nice. Um, and so when we have uncertainty, it's just a huge loss of control. And so dealing with uncertainty, without control over your emotions can also trigger like different emotions. Like we've already talked about anxiety and possibly depression, fear, frustration and sometimes anger because you just feel so out of control. You're like, oh my gosh, why don't, can't I get my grasps my grasp with my grubby little hands on this thing? They could just like, you know, accelerate into other emotions and feelings that you did to the party, but they're banging on the door and they're trying to break in and you're not doing anything about it. So we need to have coping mechanisms, which coping mechanism is something that you would engage in which there are good ones and bad ones to choose from just so you know. But there, uh, it's a behavior, it's like a, it's a habit. It can become a habit, it's a behavior, it's something that you will engage in to prevent yourself from doing the thing that you shouldn't be doing. So if uncertainty is kind of like driving the bus to being highly anxious and depressive and fearful and frustrated and angry or whatever, you would participate in a coping mechanism to draw yourself away from going into those dark places, those pits of despair and really be able to kind of like reset your brain and your mindset and your emotions and everything and just be like, Nope, we're gonna go over here. We're gonna calm down, we're gonna rethink what's happening and we're gonna figure out the most beneficial way to move forward after we kind of like take a break. You know, take a pause if you will. So some good options for a coping mechanisms, which you can literally just Google and just be like coping mechanisms are best ones. And then also I would suggest you take it a little further and be like, what are good ones and what are bad ones? Cuz there are bad ones. I probably need to redo that episode. I did do an episode, I don't know how long ago, I didn't think about this before I recorded so it's not my notes, but I did do episodes on good and bad coping mechanisms. I think they're totally like positive and negative ones because a lot of times we think that we're engaging in a coping mechanism that's supposed to be helpful and it's not. So maybe I should redo that episode cuz I could really expound on what I originally spoke about. But here are some good options, just like good ones off the top so that you can have some in mind to look at or try and then look for more that would fit you best. Um, mindfulness, which is definitely being present in the moment and trying really hard to um, invest in being present in understanding that we don't need to spend so much time in the past worrying about things that we cannot change. And then again, hanging out with worry for uncertainty because we don't know what's coming. And so being mindful, being more focused on being present in the moment of your life and enjoying that and being grateful for that will help you not get so, I don't know, overly emotional and invested in what would be a good way to put that in fearing or dealing with negatively uncertainty because you're not so focused on, uh, the scary future, you're focused on what's happening right now. Another coping mechanism would be positive self-talk. So when you are really dealing with uncertainty and you're like so worried and you're like, oh my gosh, what's gonna happen? What's, how is this gonna affect me and all these people and how everything else and oh my gosh, that means I probably won't be able to do this, that and the other. If you talk to yourself positively and you're like, okay, well how do we know that those things can't still happen? Even if this outcome that we don't really want happens? Like, is that actually for sure? Like, does one plus one equal two or does it really equal five? And we just can't even tell right now. We should just have all the hope and faith we, we can in the world and pray that it's still gonna work out as we would hope, as we would hope. Or if it doesn't go the way that we want, is there a way for it to still turn out to work in our favor just maybe in a different way that we didn't anticipate, right? So really ask yourself questions. Be positive about how like, hey, if it does turn sideways, you've gotten out of worse things, you can still keep going, you can still do like probably other things that you really wanna do and you'll learn a lot out of this situation, out of this experience. Which no one likes that answer, but it's a true one, it's a helpful one. Another one is spending more time problem solving instead of worrying. A lot of times we spend so much time worrying about what is going to happen and how badly that is going to affect everything. Rather than being like, okay, this feels like it's gonna be bad, this feels like it's going to affect things in such a negative way that this is probably what I should do. Start actually laying out plans. Start actually like, you know, maybe taking actions if you feel comfortable that to do so without finally knowing the real outcome and how the uncertainty turns out. But instead of just like spending so much time thinking and worrying, take time to actually plan and take action so that maybe things will turn out better than you had originally anticipated. You know what I mean? And then the last one I wanna share with you is, oh, the last two is practicing gratitude, which every day we should just be doing that anyway. Just, you know, sharing how grateful we are for this, that and the other and these people and these opportunities in our minds and how we've grown. And that'll help us to not worry about uncertainty and let guest gig all caught up in that because we're realizing how amazing life is and how grateful and thankful we should be for everything in it. And then the last one is leaning on your support people. So whoever in your life is there to support you, to listen to you vent, to uh, you know, fill you with positive words, to be honest with you about things that you need to grow in and change. Lean into them, ask them to help you with how much you've gotten caught up in dealing with uncertainty and a heavy way in a not healthy way. And they can maybe give you some more ideas too or just listen to you vent and get it off your chest and you know, kind of keep you accountable to working on dealing with uncertainty in a more healthy way. Okay, number four is very quick and easy. It's gonna be easy. Uh, cuz even when I wrote the notes I was like, I don't really have much to say about this, but it needs to be said. So number four is focus on what you can control. Focus on what you can control. So put all of your energy and what you can actually control, which generally 99% of the time is only you. I would say a hundred, but uh, it's you. It's only you. It's your thoughts, feelings, actions, behaviors, mindsets, whatever you wanna do. It's you, you can control you and how you operate in the world. And so instead of wasting time on things you can do nothing about, you can't find out what the future is and you can't change what's already happened. Focus on what you can control, which is yourself and how you can control how you react to how whatever you find out about the uncertainty you can control, how calm you stay or how calm you don't stay. You can control what emotions that you allow to pop off and be triggered. Like fear and frustration, anger, all of those things. Anxiety, depression, whatever it is you have control over how you deal with the situation. No one else does. People will say that other people control over them. It's not true. You just allow it. I don't wanna go into that. I go into that like every other episode. It's you, it's only you. And focusing on what you can control will provide you with some sort of like feeling of comfort and I mean that most positive way I can. So it'll provide you with some comfort and you'll be less likely to fall into your pit of despair cuz you're like, okay, let's figure out what I can do. I can be in control of my emotions, I can try to keep a positive attitude. I can maybe like, you know, really journal out all my emotions and kind of get them off my chest. I can vent about it and then maybe that'll help you feel better and less burdened with, uh, the fears and the frustrations and anything else that would come about with dealing with this uncertainty, right? So focus on what you can control. It'll help a lot dealing with uncertainty cuz then it's like, okay, well I can't really do anything so I'm just gonna do what I can and then move on. It gets easier the more you do it. So, okay, number five. And the last one that I have to share with you today is come up with a few alternate plans. Come up with a few, a few. Let's highlight the word few, few alternate plans so it could help you feel better. It could, we could try it, uh, about the uncertainty of whatever you're going through by coming up with backup plans or alternate. Alternate. You know, even when I was typing that word, it's like I know which word I want. It's not alternative, it's alternate <laugh>. Um, coming up with backup plans or alternate paths to take if you, if the way that you're heading now is too uncertain or things don't turn out the way that you had planned and hoped, right? So it can work on like different facets. So you know, the alternate, the alternate paths that you could take. If this thing doesn't work out, have that ready to go. You're like, okay, I know it can happen. I am like, that's awesome, I'm ready to go. I have like two or three. And again the the, hmm, what word do I wanna use here? Uh, the warning I guess that I'll give you is don't do too many. So on the top of the episode I was talking about how you wanna write like a whole list of like a hundred. Don't do that. Do like two or three five max. Okay, single max, like five max. You don't need more than that. It's too much energy. You really only need like two or three. But if you are a really anxious person, believe me, I've been there. Maybe you wanna do five. If you're like, oh well the max is five, I have to do the max. Okay, great. Do five, do five alternate paths, backup plans that you could take if this thing doesn't work out, if it goes sideways, if this thing doesn't happen just to make you feel more comfortable, just to make you feel like you're in control of something. Cuz you're creating a plan, you're doing something, you're taking some sort of action. I think that's really good. And it can, again, it can really just help you dealing with things that are so uncertain. Like, am I gonna get this job? Um, am I gonna get the pay raise? Are they gonna pick me to be the star of this, that and the other? You know what I mean? And if they don't, then I'll be able to do this or go this way or make this decision or, or whatever it is that you've decided to write out, right? Um, so you can foster your own like comfort and calmness by knowing you have other options to go with because you've already written them out and kind of plan them out and you're ready to go. You feel like, okay, got this backup plan. It's kinda like having a spare tire in your car and knowing how to put it on<laugh>. Um, and you're good to go. So come up with a few alternate plans. Again, probably only need like two or three per like situation. Maximum five, don't write a hundred or 10. Don't, don't no more than five please. I just don't think it's necessary to waste your time and energy and it just really just like fosters more anxiety if, if that's even possible. But it is. I mean, that, that's a, that's a fact. It's just you feel like you're already at the height of your anxiety. And then I'm like, if you do more, then you'll just like hit the glass ceiling and go through and realize that there was another level for you to hit. And I don't want that experience for you. That doesn't sound fun. Doesn't sound fun at all. Uh, but that's it. So come up with a few alternate plans. That is number five in the list of tips that I have for you on how to better handle uncertainty. So that's it. Thank you so much for listening to The Real Positive Girl podcast again with me, Sabrina. I do encourage you to check the show notes below to, uh, see how to find me on socials, how to sign it for the newsletter, how to go to the YouTube channel for the video version, right? Uh, thank you so much for downloading, listening and sharing the show. I appreciate every, every single one of you. Sorry, I didn't realize I was gonna come out so awkward, like I was about to cry. Um, I am really emotional though about it every single time I'm like, I can't believe you will actually listen. So, and I'm, and people have actually told me it's helpful, so that's so great too. But thank you so much for listening. Um, also if you have a moment to write the show on Apple or Spotify, that would be absolutely fantastic too. So thank you so much for listening. Um, until next time, have a good one and I'll see you all next time. Bye friends.